Dear Light Workers,
I’m sure this message finds you all well and ready to learn about honesty in recovery from codependence.
I think Billy Joel managed to express his feelings about being truthful in his song Honesty …
“If you search for tenderness
It isn’t hard to find
You can have the love you need to live
But if you look for truthfulness
You might just as well be blind
It always seems to be so hard to give
Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue … “
I don’t think I will go so far as “everyone is so untrue”, however, it is indeed a “lonely word” . Honesty like any other arena in recovery is not a black and white issue. There are a multitude of levels of honesty, of perspectives in which to view the concept of honesty. Since I spent the last few months talked about codependency, this month I would like to share with you about emotional honesty. Having said that, intellectual honesty with ourselves is necessary in order to start becoming emotionally honest.
It is necessary to start seeing ourselves with more clarity in order to recognise the attitudes, beliefs, and definitions that are dictating our emotional reactions. Once we start achieving more honesty in our perspectives of ourselves, then we can get more clarity in our emotional process.
For instance, until I started to recognise how I had been programmed to have a dysfunctional relationship with my own emotions during my development years, I could not start giving myself permission to get in touch with those feelings which I had been programmed to suppress.
There are numerous levels, relationships that I had to start seeing with more clarity — getting more intellectually honest with myself and about long suppressed emotions —before I could start changing my relationship in those arenas.
Attitudes, definitions, and beliefs determine perspective and expectation — which in turn dictates our relationships. Our relationships to our self, to life, to the people, to the Higher-Power / Universe. Our relationships to our own emotion bodies, gender, etc., are dictated by the attitudes, definitions, and beliefs that we are holding mentally and intellectually. And we acquired those mental constructs, ideas, concepts in early childhood from the emotional experiences, intellectual teachings, and role modelling of the beings around us.
The key in this regard was my expectations. I had to start realising how my expectations were dictating my emotional reactions in order to start changing my relationships with my own emotions.
By having expectations I was giving power away. In order to become empowered I had to own that I had choices about how I viewed my life, about my own expectations. I realised that no one can make me feel hurt or angry — that it is my expectations that cause me to generate feelings of hurt or anger. In other words, the reason I feel hurt or anger is because other people, life, or Universe are not doing what I want them, expect them, to do.